Provo Dating

Provo’s Most Eligible Ep. 3: Charmless and Inconsistent

Provo’s newest viral hit moves into it’s third episode and… it’s not good.

One rebranding later, and Utah valley’s most awkward show is ready to get back to business. On the surface this should have been the most exciting episode yet, one contestant abandoned the show without notice, the show’s first kiss, and even zombies! In reality though I think this is easily the worst episode yet released.

The huge charm of reality shows is the reality part. We all know that most of what’s on these shows aren’t real, but in the moment of it all, it feels real. Provo’s Most Eligible doesn’t feel real in any way, shape, or form. Every moment feels wholely manufactured, and a huge part of this is the way they’ve edited this episode. The initial group date initially tries to convince us that the contestants are legitimately scared of the antics of their zombie-themed escape room, it’s over the top but on its own it’s fine. It’s believable that some people could be easily startled, but when you show them freaking flossing in the very next shot it makes it impossible to suspend one’s disbelief. All I was able to focus on was how fake everything felt. Soap operas are more believable than this BS.

I get why the show is doing this though. People initially responded to all the cringy/relatable things contestants did and they focused on showing as much of that as possible. By focusing so much of their time trying to find all the cringy moments though we’ve been left with little to no time to actually connect with contestants or learn about them. Seriously every time I write about this show I have to go look up what these peoples names are. It’s embarassing to still have to do that after 3 episodes.

Combine this bad editing/direction ruining immersion with the horrifically blatant and shameless shilling for sponsors. Seriously, in the escape room date it begins with them walking in and then the camera pans up to show the name of the place and it holds that shot way too long. Then we actually get a speech from an employee of the escape room basically telling us why their escape room is so great. It’s just an ad, it had nothing to do with the show. This is repeated for the solo date when they go slack-lining and then out to dinner to Zaos Asian Cafe, all three of these activities have extended shots on signage or logos of the apparent sponsors. You want to know a better and more organic way to include a sponsor plug, have your host welcome the contestants to the place of business, have the contestants give meaningful reviews of their time there. I hope none of these people making the show are interested in marketing or advertising, because they suck at it.

The pinnacle of these terrible decisions by the creators has to be the fact that they had a contestant suddenly stop coming to the events and no joke there isn’t any closure on that. They have Colin talk about how disappointed and worried he is for 2 minutes and then they just never come back to it. Any reality show worth its salt would dump 15-20 minutes on that, it’s an inherently dramatic moment. Is she in danger? Does she hate Colin now? Was there a family emergency? Did one of the girls threaten her? What happened to Meghan?

We should have Colin talk about how concerned he is, then cut to a couple of contestants that want to throw shade at her, a couple more that are worried about her and at least one who is totally indifferent. From there actually make use of the host as he is constantly trying to get in contact with her, Colin placing a single phone call isn’t nearly enough. People need to investigate this and we as the audience need to see them investigate! SHOW DON’T TELL! After some investigation, they decide as a group to reluctantly continue, then after the closing credits, we cut back to Colin or Remington and they tell us what happened to Meghan after the fact.

For those unaware apparently she got engaged between episodes, which is like the most Provo thing ever, but the fact that I had to have a friend tell me that is beyond stupid. Shame on you show, I shouldn’t have to go do research just to find out why a girl just up and left your show.

Let’s actually talk about the episode and what happened though, I could ramble about the terrible production decisions forever, but people want hot takes about the contestants. After the “Definitely not a rose ceremony” that barely even made an effort to change anything (If I was Warner Bros I’d still copyright strike that ish) were left with Wholesome Kate, Old Maid McKenna, Kissless Elena, Diversity Hire Annalee, and Saliva-Swapping Annali. I’m pretty sure those names give a clear indication who I like and who I couldn’t care less about. If I had to guess I would say that Annali and McKenna are the two front-runners to win Colin’s heart. I’m still rooting for Kate though, even though she’s too kind-hearted for reality TV. Annalee reeks of “influencer” culture which part of me simply despises, and I’m still unconvinced that Elena isn’t entirely carried by her accent.

I’m being pretty mean right now, but hot takes are gonna get a little mean and the show gives me so little to actually like anymore I’m stuck just being a hater. What can you do? I committed myself to write about this show so I have to keep watching, but I acknowledge that I’m doing it pretty reluctantly now. I’ll do my best to keep an open mind and if the show gets its crap together I’ll get back on the hype train. Later

Provos Most Eligable?

Well, life got busy for me for a little while there and that pushed back my write-up for the second episode of the surprise online hit “The Bachelor of Provo” so far that the show isn’t even called The Bachelor of Provo anymore.

For those unaware (I can’t fathom how you wouldn’t know about the renaming but still want to read this blog post) shortly after the second episode of The Bachelor of Provo a few news outlets had started picking up on the buzz around the show and once they started publishing interviews with the creators and articles about the show surprise, surprise the big bad guys of Warner Bros came down with copyright allegations and they came down hard. So hard that they forced the show to rename itself and drop the rose ceremony from the show entirely, alongside some other less monumental changes.

I won’t lie, part of me wants to get into the nitty-gritty of exactly why the show got copyright striked and how totally in the right Warner Bros was to do it (legally at least) but that’s probably a whole other write-up on its own. So let’s just stay focused on my thoughts and feelings of episode two of Provo’s Most Eligible?

Right at the start, we have another skit about Provo dating and just… no. We’re all painfully aware of what this show is about and if we’re sitting down to watch episode two we don’t need to be reminded or sold on it again. We want to watch cringy Provo people be hilariously awkward around each other so we can all feel better about the awkward, cringy stuff we do in our day to day lives. No skits required.

Moving past that though we get the intro sequence and then cut directly to… Colin walking onto a stage and doing some of the most amazing, and definitely awkward white guy dancing ever caught on camera. I’m a really bad dancer, but that was just rough to watch.

After (AFTER) Colin’s routine? It’s explained to us that the group date portion of the show will be a talent show! Oh cool right? Wrong. Rather then having a diverse set of acts to showcase the uniqueness of each contestant we get just an enormous hot mess. Props to Annalee though for at least trying to be unique with tap-rapping. Would’ve been like way cooler if you did both at the same time, but separate is fine too I suppose.

I know I said I wouldn’t mention copyright stuff, but can we not all acknowledge the hilarity of this show consistently using that garbage copyright free music only to get struck down with copyright strikes anyway? Just hilarious.

Anyways, after the talent show we’re treated to our first solo date with Colin and Megan! Megan is the one… ahhh…. hold on. *Googles furiously* Megan the surgical technology major! I’m sure she has other definining personality traits but good lord can we not tell from the show, at least we get this scene with the blanket depicted below and it’s gotta be the most provo thing I’ve ever seen on a screen. Just spectacular for all the wrong reasons.

From there were back to them all hanging out and trying to chat with Colin and we finally get some juicy drama. It starts with Abby taking Colin aside and basically asking him why he’s even bothering with these other girls because their connection is so strong.

The drama continues to flow as it’s revealed (By Abby I think, pot stirrer much?) that Lucy, in between filming episode one and two got a boyfriend. Seriously people, if you’ve never been to Provo this is actually the kind of stuff that happens on a regular basis. Colin and Lucy handle it like mature adults though and Lucy departs the show that night. Whatever shall we do without another blonde, average height, person from… was it Hawaii? Yeah, Hawaii. That’s the one. Jeez Colin has a type and it’s showing.

There’s a couple more things that happen like Kate showing Colin more magic, and even though it’s totally obvious that the show is super fake bordering on scripted the two of them have a fun energy together. Like two dweebs just dorking out together.

Oh yeah, there’s also this tiny little thing of Annali trying to snag a SMOOCH from Colin. Dang, I’m upset that I’ve already used the bold strategy meme in this write-up because that was a extra big play for a truly enormous baller. Props to going for it Annali, and extra props for asking for consent first, it’s 2019 people, consent isn’t hard. Simple verbal confirmations are easy enough right? I mean he shot her down so that’s unfortunate for Annali, but I’ve still gotta give her points for trying right?

After the smooch rejection tragedy (or a blessing depending on your POV) we get to the rose ceremony (last one apparently!) and honest to goodness who even cares at this point. Both Annalee and Annali move onto the next round which means there is still hope in my heart that they’ll have a duel to the death to absorb each other’s powers highlander style. The adorkable Kate got a rose and so did everyone’s favourite girl with an accent Elena, everyone else doesn’t matter anymore as far as I’m concerned.

New episode of Provo’s Most Eligable comes out this weekend and now that I’ve got a somewhat normal schedule I should be able to get the write-up on it out in a more timely manner. So like a week, week and a half from now I guess? Till then, Later!

Last Seminar

These are my final thoughts about the dating seminar I attended some two or so weeks ago. Frankly I don’t want to touch this topic again for a very long time.

I just don’t know what to say about this dating seminar anymore. I’ve been racking my brain for weeks now trying to figure out how to continue to write about it but absolutely nothing feels right once I put it down on paper or try to type it out.

So here’s what I’ll say. I think 90+% of what I saw and heard in that seminar is just incorrect. I think this seminar was given by people who believe themselves to be experts in the field when in reality they’re far from it. Do you want to know what critical piece I think they’re missing from their seminar? It’s a woman’s touch. This was by far my biggest takeaway from the seminar, it was embarrassingly obvious that no woman had ever been consulted whilst this seminar was being created, in fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if no woman had ever seen or heard any part of this seminar, even though it’s specifically designed to help men be more appealing to women.

How could I possibly guess at that? Well, I took what I heard at this seminar and presented it to women and asked what they thought. They all pointed out that they thought the information was bad and at times creepy. Now, this was a pretty small sample size so the information could have a pretty wide margin of error, but when it comes to what women want, I’d take the word of a few women over the word of someone who took dating advice from pick-up artists on YouTube.

I’m no expert in dating, but here’s my advice and I guarantee it’ll help you out. Make sure you’re happy with the person you are. Take a look in the mirror and really ask yourself how much you like that person. If you don’t ask yourself why and work on it. If you’re unhappy single the odds of you having a happy and fulfilling relationship are slim to none. The harsh truth is that most people at dating seminars don’t need dating seminars, they need self-help seminars.

If you’re happy and still unsure how to go about dating, ask your female friends. If you don’t have female friends to ask, sit down and really think about why that is, make some adjustments about how you behave around women and then go out and make some, and then ask them what they think is important in dating.

Don’t change who you are as a person though, its super cliche to say that the most important thing to be a successful dater is being yourself but it’s true. If you try to be someone you’re not, you might find yourself in a relationship, but the longer you keep up that charade the more miserable you’ll become, besides if you’re happy with who you are there really isn’t a need to change, you just have to keep looking (not hunting) until you happen upon that right person. It might result in a long wait for that special someone, but it’s worth it. Take it from me. Later.

So here’s what I’ll say. I think 90+% of what I saw and heard in that seminar is just incorrect. I think this seminar was given by people who believe themselves to be experts in the field when in reality they’re far from it. Do you want to know what critical piece I think they’re missing from their seminar? It’s a woman’s touch. This was by far my biggest takeaway from the seminar, it was embarrassingly obvious that no woman had ever been consulted whilst this seminar was being created, in fact it wouldn’t surprise me if no woman had ever seen or heard any part of this seminar, even though it’s specifically designed to help men be more appealing to women.

How could I possibly guess at that? Well I took what I heard at this seminar and presented it to women and asked what they thought. They all pointed out that they thought the information was bad and at times creepy. Now this was a pretty small sample size so the information could have a pretty wide margin of error, but when it comes to what women want, I’d take the word of a few women over the word of someone who took dating advice from pick-up artists on YouTube.